Friday, March 27, 2009


I have been very sick. Fever twice, practically disable me and force me to rest. Then now teeth, gums ache. half of my face is swollen. I look just like my son who keeps storing food in his mouth during feeding. I can't eat. the pain follows every moment. it's a bit like early labour pain. little bit here n there, the more you think about it, the more it is there. scream if you want to, but that is just gonna make it worse. Gosh! world's greatest physical sufferings is not over for me yet. pain pain pain... till you want to curl your feet.

I know I have been sad and not having much positive thoughts. thus i fell sick. suddenly, not knowingly.  Sickness taught and reminded me. when you are sick. you are torn down to the very basic. all you want to beg for is perhaps very simple thing... to breath ... and to be able to eat. so in fact... life is simple. those are the few things to stay alive. why do I go all complicated and confuse myself. laugh more, cheer more and do less that is really something i always forget.

or perhaps when I have more time, take a moment to cherish a healthy body. Be grateful for one. how long i haven't thank my body for being health. So I will take care of it. don't simply over eat, over THINK, over do to hurt it. 

some times i can't help thinking... what did i do to deserve this? ( this is a terrible question, that will bring u no where) It's so painful why don't I just pop in some pain killers and antibiotics? Coz i am a fan of slow medicine, slow food, self healing. I believe my body can heal by it self. What is the lesson lie inside for me this time? what it is trying to tell me?

I am getting there... today the pain n swell has gone down abit. I am able to smile. I hope when i wake up again tomorrow i will be well. and be able to serve and perform my duty.

May everyone be well and happy. May I be well and happy.

I will be very grateful if i recover. I will be happy. I will not take my body for granted.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

the "two" curse

I have been having difficulties falling asleep, though I am much lacking of it due to midnight baby care. Too much thoughts... on wanting to become a super domestic goddess with 2 todds and a 0 month.

so being able to fall asleep to me now is like a dream come true, striking lottery. 

Tonight managed to sooth xYuan to sleep. then i fell asleep nicely out of fatigue. Then i was woke up by my "incredible 2 year old" Xuan ( crying frantically, throwing tandrum on me ) . my 2nd son, Xuan has been cranky and sick since the birth of his sister. I was annoyed n find it unacceptable that it was Xuan who woke me instead of the baby. I hit him.

I am slowly losing my patience on him. Constantly demanding attention and love from me. We are aware of the vulnerable 2nd child syndrome. sometimes parents can be just draining out.

Sorry, Xuan.